|
digital was
such a sanitary hi-tech word
until my urologist sneaks up from
behind
and gives me the bird
shocked and taken back
I try to
ignore the painful experience
by pondering
the conundrum of
homosexuality
there had to be more to it than the sex act
"You can
get dressed now"
was the good doctor's way of saying
"Pull up your
pants, Dude,
and I'll see you back in my office."
but his casual
manner
seemed to exude foreboding
"There is a stiffness in the
gland
demanding further examination.
I'd like to schedule a blood
test,
ultrasound and biopsy."
Dr. Goldman's lips kept moving
but
I couldn't hear him through the sheet
of white fear that guillotined
between us
CANCER! The big C! Me?
I spent the rest of that
day
up to my genitals in the grave I was digging
Hamlet gazing full
into the face
of the skull
"Alas poor Yorick, I knew him,
Horatio.
Before scalpel took gland.
Back when he sang in a bass
baritone."
desperate to rise above my lower regions
I channel surf
HBO
only to find that every selection that evening
bordered on
pornography
so I turned to the illustrated brochure
the informative
flyer
detailing the upcoming procedure
wherein the ultrasound and
biopsy probe
resembled the head
of a black water moccasin baring its
fang
"Dang!" says I jumping back
relief came 36 hours
later
something about the PSA blood test
the prostate
specific-antigen results
leading Doctor Goldman
to now suspect
infection
prescribing an antibiotic
of course five weeks from
now
the FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT!
and as the date approaches
tension
will build
like in those Lethal Weapon Action films
when you know
there's a snake in the grass
and Danny Glover
isn't there to cover
your --
[next: Bilateral Orchiectomy]
April 2, 1999
Unfortunately, the follow-up appointment did lead to the dreaded biopsy
followed by a bone scan and as it turns out I do have incurable prostate
cancer (notice I said incurable, not terminal) The scan revealed that the
disease has already invaded the pelvis bone. The horses are out of the barn
so to speak no point in closing the door now. Of course Dr. Goldman is most
optimistic about all the new and different treatments etc. etc. But before I
go into that I want you to know that even before the treatments begin I find
myself experiencing a strange and wonderful kind of peace. Hell, I've lived
70 years already, and done exactly what I wanted to do with my life. Every
worthwhile dream has come true. Made my living since 1968 as a
"performance poet" - Billie Barbara and I have been together for 47 years
and are growing closer with each passing day. I have four great kids, five
neat and nifty grandchildren. Really, when I think about it, I've been truly
blessed and whether it turns out that my departure date is next year or 15
years from now I'm determined not to wreck my life by doing a lousy job
with my death.
Visit Ric Masten's site at http://www.sun-ink.com
E-mail him at [email protected].
|
