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Matthew Sugarman
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An excerpt from CHOICES living with cancer, dying with dignity by Molly Sower Sugarman |
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From 1994 to 1999, Matthew Sugarman was a cancer survivor. His PSA had been checked regularly but never registered high. It was still normal on the day he was diagnosed with metastasized prostate cancer.
In April 1998, increasing tiredness and a broken rib prompted sharp questioning of his doctor, who reluctantly admitted that he could do no more. There were no tools or knowledge left with which to save Matt's life; we would have to figure out how to die. Matt's days were numbered in months -- three to six -- time that could almost be counted on one hand.
Matt outlived all predictions. He simply did not want to leave. During this time we learned many things about cancer and many things about choices. Most of this knowledge was acquired through questioning and our own experience, as we couldn't find any literature that discussed this twilight zone between ending treatment and entering the final stages of death. For thirteen months, we filled Matt's dying with more life than anyone imagined possible. Then one afternoon in May, everything stopped. The destruction of his body ceased, and with it, his life.
The knowledge we acquired is not new. Dying, after all, is as old as the earth. Perhaps this compilation of what we found will make the process a little less confusing and frustrating to others. We wanted to leave something behind: a note or a map, which might have given us some relief.
In 1996 Matt wrote Seasons, a poem about love, but now it seems equally about death. A man, a wife, a patient, a caregiver. And an irrevocable change in circumstance.
Choices: living with cancer, dying with dignity is Molly Sower Sugarman's clear, honest sharing of practical wisdom about her husband's journey toward dying from prostate cancer. The booklet has sections on
- Making realistic decisions
- Easily broken bones
- Low blood counts
- Fatigue
- Loss of muscle tone
- Edema
- Shortness of breath, coughing and lung discomfort
- Weight loss, nausea and loss of appetite
- Pain
- Hospice
Drawn from experience and presented in concise, handy format, this information will be a help and comfort to anyone with cancer. Put a copy in the kitchen, another by your armchair or at your bedside -- anmd take some to the nearest doctr's waiting room. It's all about quality choices for intentional living as death comes in within sight.
"I keep stressing," Molly says, "that the booklet isn't about how to
die; hospice has those books. It is about quality of life
choices in the twilight zone, when the doctor says nothing
is going to lower your PSA or stop the cancer from spreading
... and the time when you are bedridden. A lot
happens in that twilight zone."
"My husband was given three to
six months to live," Molly writes. "He lived thirteen. We went to New York three times, to Alaska, to England. He worked part-time."
"But we
could not get information from doctors about what to expect
next, what to watch out for, what were the signposts along
the road. Nor were we given information easily about such
things as pamidronate for bone pain, or a rub-on gel concocted
by hospice for nausea. The booklet is designed to be a map
of the road ahead, with some suggestions for questions to
ask and care to demand."
Choices: Living with cancer, Dying with dignity, Second Edition, is available by mail from Rotary Clubs of District 5190, 11250 Rosemary Drive, Auburn CA 95603. Publication was made possible with support from nurses and physicians and funding by Rotary Clubs of Northern California and the District
Governor, Gene Albaugh.
On Topic Books from Amazon
Final Gifts
by Maggie Callanan & Patricia Kelley
 contact@psa-rising.com
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